One of the few things that I had in common with my father was our love for boxing and mixed martial arts. Sitting and cheering as Royce Gracie demolished the competition in UFC’s infancy stages, our bond would grow as we consumed countless amounts of cashews and soda. Those were the moments when I saw a glimmer of pride in my father’s eyes as he observed his oldest son enjoying an activity that he found important. He didn’t like my participation in baseball and saw my involvement as an assault on his personal definition of a man. Personally, I think his disgust for the sport had more to do with his ongoing conflict with his father-in-law than the game itself. My grandpa and father fought a lot. It was like watching two strong bucks antlers intertwined so tightly that the only pathway out would be filled with death and pain.
Once my father realized my passion for fighting. He started to tell me his war stories when he was a teenager. He would illustrate with animated fists how he dismantled some Samoan guy who was twice his size. Or the time when he and his best friend ended up knocking two store managers out cold after being pepper sprayed in the face. These stories painted my imagination and led me to believe that my father was one of the toughest men on the planet, second only to Mike Tyson, of course. My masculine archetype consisted of a brawling, fearless, tough son of a *&^%@. Not willing to take no for answer and surely wouldn’t be pushed around by no man. Sadly, these characteristics didn’t describe me. I was a push over and avoided conflict like the plague.
My attributes would make me a target for bullies at school and at home. I would be bullied regularly at school and would take it without even a whimper. Based on my father’s and my own perspective, I was weak and therefore not a man. Being picked on was the natural order of things. If I didn’t want to be bullied, I needed to be big, strong and have the ability to fight. Maybe this is why I started to play football. Nothing could be more manly than tackling the guts out of someone. Coincidently, harassment from bullies ended once I started playing high school football. On the other hand, it didn’t protect me from the bullies lurking on the football field who delighted in seeing how far I could fly in the air.
What does it mean to be a man? My father's perspective = Tough, fearless and scrappy. Mine = whatever your father teaches you.
No offense, but you don't come off as the scrappy, "imma beat you up" type. I'm sure it can come out if it needs to, but you are a very friendly, outgoing person. As far as what it means to be a man, I couldn't say since I'm a woman. It is all relative though, that's for sure. To me anyway, I think a real man is a responsible man. He doesn't have to be a millionaire or anything, he just needs to take care of his family like Chris's dad in "Everybody Hates Chris" and like so many other men out there. Or if he doesn't have a family, he just needs to have his life in order. All others are just boys in my book, no matter what age.
ReplyDeletei think you're a man. and my opinion is the only one that should matter thank you very much!
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