Home Again

Recently, I've hinted on my blog that my grandmother who raised me like a son was losing the home she raised 3 generations in.  Being the favorite of my grandmother, which is what my sister likes to tell me, I returned to Maui over a year ago in hopes of saving the house.  Sadly, I would quickly realize that there wasn't much I could do.  I tried to find a full time position in my field (Counseling Psychology), specifically at an educational institution and was unsuccessful to find anything on Maui.  There just seemed to be more opportunities outside of Maui.  

After being donkey kicked in the stomach, I was faced with picking up my grandmother.  A woman who had always been a rock for me was now beaten down by the monthly payments that were eating away at her life savings.  For several months, I would remind her that it was okay to sell the house.  That it was up to her.  But deep down inside I was lying.  I was dying inside.  Thinking about losing the house made me sick.  It affected me so much that I started acting uncharacteristically angry (short fuse) and beaten down.  

My wife even shared with me that she felt like living on Maui had changed me.  A change she was unsure was for the good.  

Now, after so many months of ups and downs, this chapter seems to be coming to an end.  My grandma is close to selling the house and seems to have accepted her loss.  I think she'll realize it's a blessing when she sees how much money she'll be saving.  There is nothing like financial security.  

As for me, I think I've accepted it, finally.  It probably won't sink in fully until I move to the Big Island.  But what keeps me strong is the fact that my grandma is going to be okay.  Even though I dreamed of owning this house, I know that a home is more then four walls.  It's made up of love and care.  

The home I'm about to lose was more then a roof over my head.  More then a big yard and a nice ofuro. 

Just in case you didn't know what a ofuro was.  This is not the ofuro I grew up with.

 It represented security, which I know I have with my family.  Where ever I go as long as my family is there.  That is home. 

Here are some other things my home represented and I know I can take these things with me where ever I go:  

1.  Peace:  Now I don't mean that there weren't any fights in the house.  Believe me, there were some heated arguments and a few scuffles.  But at the end of the day, there was no other place I felt more at ease.     

2.  Teacher:  Home was a place I learned how to play baseball.  It was where I learned the value of hard work.  Where I was taught to be polite and respectful.  

3.  Fun:  The best memories of home that stick out in my mind were the fun moments.  When I used to cheer so loud for the Atlanta Braves during the World Series that I made my grandpa laugh.  When I had friends over the house for sleep overs.  When my brother and I played hide and go seek in the back yard.  

These things can come with me.  They are not loss with the selling of the house.  I can bring these memories and aspects of a home with me.  And more importantly I can create a similar but better environment for my children.  I can create new memories and help my children enjoy their home.        

Here are some pictures of the house: 

I really hope I can afford a house that big one day.  

I think these hand prints were done when my brother and I were in grade school.  

I might miss the back yard the most.  I still remember when my grandpa built us a tree house under the mango tree.  

Iʻll always remember my grandma cooking stew in this kitchen.  My favorite.  

Those marks you see on the floor are from my baseball metal cleats I used to put on before leaving the house.  My grandpa was mad when he caught me doing that.  

This trophy case may look empty now but it was once filled with trophies that my grandpa accumulated over the 40+ years of coaching.  

This is where my grandma used to read me bible stories to put me to sleep when I was a kid.  

These are the memories and the things that we can take with us where ever we go. 

Dealing With Failure

 
In response to an insightful comment on my facebook page.

"Why is it no one ever blogs about the times the touchdown pass hits you right in the numbers.......and you drop the damn ball?"

This quote inspired me to write about failure and how to deal with it.  I believe this friend is right.  Many times people gloss over the hard times, the failures that they've had to overcome.  Sometimes we mask our mistakes by fast forwarding through the blood, sweat and tears to get straight to the end.  A happy ending without the painful middle.  Now, I know there is a part of the population who may not fail often or even at all.  Maybe their failures are just hiccups or small bumps in their road.  But, I know I'm one of many who fall flat on their faces time after time.  Whose mistakes seem like giant road blocks to their goals and dreams.  Who stay up wondering how they're going to mess up again.  But as I write this post, I feel that my story, like many others, have moments of triumph.  Whether large or small, every success is a building block toward a better future, a better situation and possibly a better you.

Why do we fail?

1.  We're human.  

Sometimes we don't have the physical or mental ability to solve a problem we are faced with.  Like Dwight Howard failing to make a free throw shot.  Some players just don't have the skill to hit a gimme.      

2.  Actions of others. 

We fail because of the failure of others.  Like Tom Brady is viewed as a failure the last two Super Bowls he was in when it was the defense in the end that failed.  While Eli is viewed as clutch when he's receivers stepped up. 

    
3.  Sh*# happens. 

Then there are times we fall flat because things happen.  Life happens, which can be ugly.  Like natural disasters that take away your house that you had worked so hard to possess.  Or when Rondo hyper extended his elbow two years ago that halted their post season chances.   

What are the ways we can deal with failure?

1.  Ai No Kea

This is when you play off your failure.  You tell others and yourself that it doesn't matter that you messed up because you don't care.  If you cared it would feel worst.  This could work if it were true.  However, as I experienced after realizing I couldn't help save my grandma's home those feelings come out in other ways.  For me it came out through my shortened temper.  I couldn't control my grandma's situation so I became anal about my daughter.  I would get mad at her for doing things that kids do.  I wanted her to do things my way.  "I kicked the dog."      

2.  Hot Potato 

When others fail they like to shift the focus to someone or something else.  They past the hot potato by saying things like, "If my kids weren't so needy I would be able to exercise more often."  or "If my wife was kinder maybe I would come home more."  Now the blame may be justifiable at times but even it were it doesn't change that your marriage is falling apart or that you are one step closer to obesity.      

3.  Drinking Poison  

Drinking poison is when you fall flat on your face and take responsibility.  You admit that you failed and pronounce it to the world.  This at face value seems like a good thing, however, it can become self-destructive if you start believing that you will always fail.  When you care so much that you start to fear or even wait for failure to occur.  A great example of this are baseball closers like Mark Wholers of the Braves who seemed to lose the ability to throw a strike in 1998.  Here is a link to a blog post that explains it pretty well.  Baseball Feelings   

4.  Fight

So how should you deal with failure?  In one word, "fight".  Battle through adversity.  When you get leveled by life, learn from it.  Put your head on a swivel.  If you lose, train harder and smarter.  And remember that no one goes undefeated throughout their life.  You will lose some and win some.  Life isn't about how often you've won (Getting a new job) or loss (Unable to save the only place I called home) but how you were able to deal with every situation that makes you a success or a failure.    
 
Song that has stuck out while writing this post.  It has inspired me to keep fighting.

If you don't understand the lyrics.

   

Don't Try This At Home

Anderson Silva vs Bonnar

Professionals 

I Don't Know Who These Guys Are

Not Anderson Silva

Don't Stick Your Chin Out

 Leave It To The Professionals!

Where Would I Be Without Her?

This post will be one of many, which I hope to use to remind me when marriage gets rocky how life would be different without her.  So when those days come and the grass (single life) seems greener I can look back on my blog and say, "Where would I be without her?"  And today has been one of those days that I thank my lucky stars I was fortunate enough to meet her.

For over a year now, my family and I have been living with my grandmother.  A grandmother whose more like a mother to me.  A person who gave me the care and love I needed to direct my life in a positive way.  This past year, she has gone through some rough times.  Being faced with the decision to sell her house, which she has lived in for 50 or so years.  A home that I grew up in.  She struggled through the mixed emotions of losing the house.  It's almost like losing a loved one.  She had to go through the grieving process and when she did we were there and my wife specifically to help her through the selling process.  

Since I had so much history with the house, it's been hard for me to handle the emotions of losing the property and so I've relied on my wife a lot.  Because at times I didn't want to even hear that we were selling.  I wanted to pretend that everything was going to be okay and that maybe some miracle would happen and she wouldn't have to sell.  But sadly, life isn't a Disney cartoon and bad things sometimes happen to good people.   

So today, after months of searching for the right house for my grandma.  And with us about to move in a few weeks.  My wife was able to find the perfect home for her.  A home that was the best she had seen.  Which is saying something because my grandma had been very particular.  I guess when you live in one home for 50 years, you like things a certain way.  

Where would I be without her?  

I'd be stressing out and worrying if my grandma was happy and safe.  I probably wouldn't be able to accept the job in Hilo.  In shorthand, I'd be a mess.             

Flopping Rule

With the NBA on the horizon, I've been thinking about the affect that the new flopping rule will have on the game.  If you haven't heard of this new rule yet, here is a link that explains it.  Flopping Rule

In summary, the flopping rule is meant to deter players from pretending to get fouled like this...

and like this...

What's funny is that some of the best floppers are on winning teams.  Based on a players poll taken by Sports Illustrated in 2010-11 here are some of the players on good teams that are considered floppers by their peers.  

1. Manu Ginobili

2.  Shane Battier

3.  Kobe Bryant

4.  Paul Pierce 

Based on the two videos I've posted, I'd say James Harden and Chris Bosh can be put on that list as well.    

So how will the game change?  How will players evolve?  Will scoring in the league rise?  How will this affect championship contenders like Miami, Thunder, Spurs, Lakers and the Celtics who have a few players that like to act?  

Don't know and excited to see how it turns out.  This rule will be just another added spice to the NBA season, which I predict should be another great one.    

Unemployed No More

FINALLY!!!  

Were the words that popped into my head when I heard, "WE WANT TO OFFER YOU THE POSITION".  I couldn't say "yes" fast enough as I silently pumped my fist and did a touchdown dance.  

In my daughter's words, "I did it!"  I had finally done it.  Broken through and gotten the job I had wanted for the past year.  After filling out 50 or more applications to Universities (BYU and all the universities in Hawaii) and Kamehameha.  After countless interviews over the phone and Skype.  After several near misses that had me thinking I had gotten the job.  After nearly giving up on my dream to be a counselor/adviser at a university.  I was blessed to land a position that not only provides for my family but gives me the experience necessary for my long-term goals (Ph.D.).  

All I can say is, "Thank you".  Thanks to my family who supported me through this hard economic time.  Thanks to my grandmother and my in-laws who were kind of enough to open their homes to lessen the financial burden.  Thanks to the friends who kept an eye out for me.  Thanks to those who wrote all my letters of recommendation.  Thanks to the members of my faith who supported me through service and words of wisdom.  And finally, thanks to my Heavenly Father who never forgot about me.

What else can I say?  I'm blessed and hope that my children and others forge through the nay Sayers and the doubts to capture their dreams.  It wasn't easy and I'm not done yet but one of my dreams have come true.  So hope for a better future and fight for it.  Even though you will get beat up through the process I promise that when you score that touchdown it'll be all worth it            

What I Would Say To Myself

Ever since my body weight peaked at 250 lbs I've longed for my high school physique.  With stretch marks decorating my stomach and clothes increasingly shrinking I've realized that I was a smart dummy in high school.  I was smart enough to get A's and B's in class but dumb enough to believe I was a fat whale when I weighed only 150 lbs.   

Why did I feel this way?  Was it because I hung out with the Alpha males of my high school?  Guys who probably had six packs in elementary school.  Or was it because I was fat in elementary through intermediate?  

My early years in public school were filled with encounters with bullies.  I remember being called Shamu as well as other colorful adjectives back then.  Unlike some big boys who may have fought back, I wasn't willing or able to fight, which made me an easy target.       

So what happened in high school?  In one word, "football".  It surrounded me with the alpha males of the school, which kind of buffered me from any bullying.  In addition, it put me in contact with weight lifting, which stopped the 10 lbs I would gain every year.  Then I was blessed to hit a growth spurt that evened out my weight.  So in essence, I grew up.  

But even with my obvious body change, I still felt flabby.  No matter how many crunches I did, I couldn't get a six pack, which to me was a barometer of what made a man sexy.  Which is probably why I was a stuttering fool around girls.  I constantly thought, "What girl would want to be with me?"  Oh, how I wish I could go back in time to slap some sense into me.  

This isn't a high school photo but I am around 185 lbs. Can you imagine what I looked like at 150.    

This is me a few weeks ago. 250 lbs and holding my piglet. Around 7 years later this is what my wife ended up with. Luckily I'm not under warranty.

If I could go back in time, what would I say?            

1.  Stop comparing yourself.  150 lbs doesn't make you overweight.  

Picture Credit:  Vezapost Blog

 
2.  If you're healthy, you're good.  Skinny don't always mean you fit.
    

Picture Credit:  Oddee Blog

3.  Start practicing good eating habits.  You're not going to be playing sports forever.  

4.  Practice yoga.  Flexibility will be your greatest asset when your older.  

Picture Credit:  Suite 707 blog

5.  Get into water sports like surfing so the activities you do on your spare time keep your body physically busy.  

6.  Finally, enjoy the body you have.  You only get one.  

Picture Credit:  Acquired Tastes Blog