In response to an insightful comment on my facebook page.
"Why is it no one ever blogs about the times the touchdown pass hits you right in the numbers.......and you drop the damn ball?"
This quote inspired me to write about failure and how to deal with it. I believe this friend is right. Many times people gloss over the hard times, the failures that they've had to overcome. Sometimes we mask our mistakes by fast forwarding through the blood, sweat and tears to get straight to the end. A happy ending without the painful middle. Now, I know there is a part of the population who may not fail often or even at all. Maybe their failures are just hiccups or small bumps in their road. But, I know I'm one of many who fall flat on their faces time after time. Whose mistakes seem like giant road blocks to their goals and dreams. Who stay up wondering how they're going to mess up again. But as I write this post, I feel that my story, like many others, have moments of triumph. Whether large or small, every success is a building block toward a better future, a better situation and possibly a better you.
Why do we fail?
1. We're human.
Sometimes we don't have the physical or mental ability to solve a problem we are faced with. Like Dwight Howard failing to make a free throw shot. Some players just don't have the skill to hit a gimme.
2. Actions of others.
We fail because of the failure of others. Like Tom Brady is viewed as a failure the last two Super Bowls he was in when it was the defense in the end that failed. While Eli is viewed as clutch when he's receivers stepped up.
3. Sh*# happens.
Then there are times we fall flat because things happen. Life happens, which can be ugly. Like natural disasters that take away your house that you had worked so hard to possess. Or when Rondo hyper extended his elbow two years ago that halted their post season chances.
What are the ways we can deal with failure?
1. Ai No Kea
This is when you play off your failure. You tell others and yourself that it doesn't matter that you messed up because you don't care. If you cared it would feel worst. This could work if it were true. However, as I experienced after realizing I couldn't help save my grandma's home those feelings come out in other ways. For me it came out through my shortened temper. I couldn't control my grandma's situation so I became anal about my daughter. I would get mad at her for doing things that kids do. I wanted her to do things my way. "I kicked the dog."
2. Hot Potato
When others fail they like to shift the focus to someone or something else. They past the hot potato by saying things like, "If my kids weren't so needy I would be able to exercise more often." or "If my wife was kinder maybe I would come home more." Now the blame may be justifiable at times but even it were it doesn't change that your marriage is falling apart or that you are one step closer to obesity.
3. Drinking Poison
Drinking poison is when you fall flat on your face and take responsibility. You admit that you failed and pronounce it to the world. This at face value seems like a good thing, however, it can become self-destructive if you start believing that you will always fail. When you care so much that you start to fear or even wait for failure to occur. A great example of this are baseball closers like Mark Wholers of the Braves who seemed to lose the ability to throw a strike in 1998. Here is a link to a blog post that explains it pretty well. Baseball Feelings
4. Fight
So how should you deal with failure? In one word, "fight". Battle through adversity. When you get leveled by life, learn from it. Put your head on a swivel. If you lose, train harder and smarter. And remember that no one goes undefeated throughout their life. You will lose some and win some. Life isn't about how often you've won (Getting a new job) or loss (Unable to save the only place I called home) but how you were able to deal with every situation that makes you a success or a failure.
Song that has stuck out while writing this post. It has inspired me to keep fighting.
If you don't understand the lyrics.
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